when you ask a black person to teach you about race
Welcome to "wtf is ashley ray tweeting about now?" a newsletter where I try to explain and defend the nonsense that made up my twitter feed over the last week
This week has been a difficult one for black people. I don’t need to outline all the reasons why. But, in the midst of all of this, there’s been one reoccurring annoyance: non-black people who expect me to tell them what to do. Non-black people who expect me, one of the few black people they know or engage with online, to be their only source of education, knowledge and action.
It started with a white girl DMing me to ask why I wasn’t tweeting about Minneapolis or protests. As though it was my duty to immediately present my thoughts on these topics because she demanded it of me. After that, I told white people to stop giving Shaun King money. At this point, I don’t need to argue about Shaun “The Scammer” King. There are enough reports and articles out there to make it clear why giving Shaun King money or supporting him may not be the best use of your time. Still, white people flooded my comments with: “Well if I can’t support Shaun King, who can I support?? What am I supposed to do?? Tell me what to do! Tell me who to support instead!” As though Google was blocked on their own computers.
And then, there was the final straw: My manager messaged me at work. She asked if I wanted to give an update on racism in the United States and tell the team how they can help. As though this topic was just another agenda item or product update. She said she asked because I’m a member of my company’s black employee resource group. I told her I was uncomfortable with that and she didn’t understand the issue. She immediately wanted to hop on videochat to talk about it, but I knew I needed to collect my thoughts before talking to her. I told a few other people about it and while most people understood the problem with her request, a few people said, “What’s wrong with that? She just wanted to find an informed person to present informed information! What’s wrong with asking black people to inform us?”
So, below is the email I sent explaining what exactly is wrong with that. It’s been edited for clarity.
Hey!
I didn't want to videochat because what you did upset me so much, I knew I'd probably say things I'd regret. I had to take time to calm myself down, breathe and even speak to my mother to feel better about this. I think it's best that I just share resources to help you understand the issue at hand and why this was one of the most offensive requests I've had from a manager during my career. In my two years at this company, I have lived through a number of protests and moments of police brutality and have never had a manager make this type of request. This is not an overreaction on my part and it is my hope that you don't subject other coworkers who happen to be black or members of a minority employee resource group to this type of expectation.
First of all, membership in a minority employee group does not make anyone an expert on race issues in the United States or an expert on ways to help situations of racial tension. That would be a high burden of membership. This particular group encourages support of black employees and diversity efforts at our company. You do not need to be black to join this group, anyone with an interest in diversity and inclusion can take part or join the emailing group. Personally, my work with this group centers around helping our company reach diverse talent pools and college students. That work has nothing to do with Minneapolis or this current political moment and that work does not make me an expert on those topics.
While I can speak from my experiences with racism and my personal politics, I do not have a degree in race studies that makes me equipped to lead these conversations for an entire team. I studied International Media, German and German History. I have 7 years of advertising and sales experience. If our team ever needs an update on those topics, I'm happy to share my expertise. What you asked is like asking someone something like, "Hey you're in the Latinx employee group, do you think you could talk to the team about ICE and children in cages and how to help?" That wouldn't be appropriate as it assumes all employees with a connection to South America/Hispanic heritage have a special knowledge of these horrors. That's an unfair assumption.
Additionally, issues of race in America do not just impact black people in America. Race is an insidious social construct that impacts all people of color and white people all over the world. This is why most tech companies and modern corporations require diversity and inclusion training for all employees. At our own company, different employee groups, managers and directors have shared resources, open meetings and speakers you can invite to team meetings. You, as a manager, should encourage our entire team to engage with these resources, have these discussions and to look at the impact racism has in their own lives. This is why our company shares resources to make that possible.
This is especially important since most tech teams like ours are made up of people of color who all experience racism in different ways. Some employees may not be from the United States, but have been treated as minorities since moving here. Some may be of a different minority heritage that’s also impacted by police brutality or systemic violence. As manager, you should give everyone the opportunity to know that you support them and you open the floor for anyone to share their thoughts. If you create an inclusive environment, black employees who want to share their thoughts can without the assumption that it’s our job. There shouldn't be pressure on minorities in the room to create discussion and showcase our pain when everyone should be capable of speaking out against police brutality and racial injustice. It's not our place to do that. It is not in our job descriptions. We're not paid enough.
This article (6 Steps to Building a Better Workplace for Black Employees) offers helpful advice to encourage corporate conversations about race among non-black coworkers. As it says: Black leaders shouldn’t be the only ones talking about race, the authors say. It’s time for their white colleagues to stop pretending racial tensions don’t exist and start initiating conversations at work, even if they worry about feeling uncomfortable or saying the wrong thing.
Finally, it is a dangerous assumption to think I, as a black person, have helpful advice for non-black people on an issue that is so personal and painful for black people to reckon with. A man died. National Guard tanks are being sent to destroy black neighborhoods in Minneapolis. I am angry that the president of my country openly threatened to shoot black people on Twitter. I do not have anything kind or helpful to say to my team of mostly non-black coworkers about any of that and frankly, my feelings on this are none of their business. I also cannot be expected to mute and soften the rage I feel to make coworkers feel better or helpful in this moment. I can't make my feelings on this work appropriate and I shouldn't be expected to do that. I have nothing reassuring to share. I also do not see why my political beliefs should be forced into the workplace just because I'm a minority or a member of a black employee resource group.
This article (Black People Are Not Here To Teach You) speaks to the resentment black people often feel when they are asked to make their feelings of anger or pain secondary to the needs of people who need to be educated. You don’t need to rely on black people to educate you, either. There are numerous books, guides and resources from professionals that teach corporations how to reckon with these events. The below screenshot is from Lily Zheng, an expert in Corporate Diversity and Inclusion, and was shared on Linkedin:
I understand that you thought you were coming to me "human to human,” but that's an erasure of my identity. You came to me – a grieving, emotionally stressed black woman who is currently attempting to navigate a global pandemic I've lost family members to AND increasing racial tension that threatens that same family. As my manager, I ask that you see me for who I am and come to me with that in mind, especially during this difficult time.
I know that you asked me to educate the team because you care about this topic and I know that you have good intentions, but I just wanted to make sure you considered the above implications and the impact these kinds of requests can have.
Thank you.